As warm weather begins to coat the east coast in sunshine, so does the television dial begin to heat the hearts of viewers with new and exciting programming.

Because we aim to deliver more than just mundane celebrity gossip, here’s our look at what couch potatoes can sit back and enjoy this evening:

Gossip Girl: It’s back!!! Without the backstabbing actions of Blair, the shady shenanigans of Chuck and the uber-hotness of Serena, our lives have felt emptier over the past few months than K-Fed’s bank account after a late-night trip to Scores in Las Vegas; or Heidi Montag’s soul; or a Fiji water bottle on a sweltering afternoon in LA.

Tremendous metaphors aside, the point remains: Gossip Girl is back tonight with new episodes. We’re giddier than Kim Kardashian at a sale for extra large thongs.

Dancing with the Stars: Despite the fact that Kristi Yamguchi is a heavier favorite on this show than either David Cook or David Archuleta on American Idol, we still tune in every night. Our dream is for a staffer from The Hollywood Gossip to be included on Dancing with the Stars one day.

We’d rumba circles around Perez Hilton.

Shayne Lamas Picture

The Bachelor: How will Shayne Lamas embarrass herself this week? How many swoons and tears will Matt Grant be responsible for over a period of one hour? So many questions. So many desperate, pathetic women.

WWE RAW: A special three-hour presentation of the WWE’s flagship show promises a showdown in the ring between Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton. If it’s anything like last week’s debate on ABC, John McCain will be declared the winner.

The Hills: This show revolves around spoiled, beautiful socialites named Lauren Conrad, Heidi Montag and Audrina Patridge. Tonight - as a bonus - Justin “Bobby” Brescia reportedly makes his return! What’s not to love about him (everything)?

Speidi PhotoJustin Brescia Photo

The Hills couples: Heidi and Spencer; Audrina and Justin-Bobby.

Father-to-be Matthew McConaughey shocked & awed residents of San Juan Del Sur earlier this month with his party hearty conduct and overall disrespect.

According to several sources who tipped off Star Magazine, the 38-year-old made quite a spectacle of himself at the Iguana bar on Friday the 6th. On top of consuming ungodly amounts of alcohol, he openly flirted with every woman in the joint!

Matthew “…did stuff only a drunk guy would do,” a local, who has the naughty snapshots to prove it, stated. “He was acting like an 18-year-old.”

Although he allegedly passed out in a ditch later that night, the actor refused to take it slow the following evening.

Another local - by the name of Amber - claims that at one point McConaughey hit on her and her housemate, before ranting about a missing accessory: “He stood on a table, screaming in drunk, broken Spanish, ‘I’ve lost my flip-flops!’”

“Then, when he realized his antics were being filmed, he ripped the camera out of one girl’s hands and attempted to break it,” she added.

After his efforts to snatch the camera away proved fruitless, Matthew gave the dumbfounded gal a twirl. “He was dancing with a ton of women but he was too drunk to go home with any of them,” Amber concluded.

Needless to say, having a celebrity in the house didn’t mean much after all was said and done.

An unnamed third resident summed up the town’s collective opinion by saying - “…the guy drank everything and by the time he was carried out on Saturday night, everyone had lost respect for him.”

Ouch!

 And this is the man who has a baby on the way with long-time steady, Camila Alves??

As most American Idol fans know by now, David Cook had tears in his eyes following his performance last week for a very good reason:

His cancer-stricken brother, Adam, was watching from the front now.

In an interview with B1027.FM, a radio station that helped facilitate the trip, Adam had the following to say about the experience:

“I am blown away. The support of the community made this possible, it literally just lifted my spirits to know I’m from Terre Haute. That might sound corny, but it’s the God’s honest truth. My feelings for back home were just amplified.”

David Cook, Adam Cook

Deservedly so, Adam also received the VIP treatment.

“They came in and asked if it was okay if they seated Teri Hatcher and Minnie Driver next to us,” Adam said. “When Teri sat down, I didn’t even know who she was. She weighed all of 90 pounds. I expected her to be taller. But I’m not stupid. I figured it out. She’s a desperate housewife and hey, I’m a desperate house something.”

Tomorrow night, Adam and all other American Idol fans can hear David sing an Andrew Lloyd Webber song.

On Saturday night in Las Vegas, the most controversial choice in the Bernard Hopkins vs. Joe Calzaghe boxing match wasn’t the split decision in favor of Calzaghe.

It was the public display of commitment that Whitney Houston showed to Ray J.

As you can see below, at least one fan in attendance thought to herself: What the heck is this former, respectable, chart-topping singer doing with the guy solely knowing for videotaping himself having sex with Kim Kardashian?

Ray to the J

The only answers The Hollywood Gossip staff has come up with involve boot-knocking and drug-taking. Anyone else have any theories?

Is Justin Timberlake on a mission to bed every Hollywood starlett before he reaches burn out?

Britney Spears, Cameron Diaz, Jessica Simpson and now apparently Kate Hudson have all fallen prey to the ex Mousketeer and ‘N Sync band member.

Sources are telling Page Six that the two have been secretly dating for the past year. ‘Kate is very private and refuses to be seen with him in public…She doesn’t want to be humiliated like Cameron Diaz was when he dumped her. But they talk every day on the phone and see each other often.’

Chris Robinson dumped!

Dumped!

From what we can see of Kate’s past, Justin is the one who might just end up dumped!

But have you noticed, Justin is doing it all very orderly, in alphabetical order. B is for Britney, C is for Cameron, J is for Jessica is for Jessica…..watch out Rachel Bilson and Winona Ryder, but we think (hopefully) Zac Efron is safe!

Gail O’Grady is no Chris Moneymaker.

The futile attempts by this former NYPD Blue actress to emulate that past World Series of Poker champion have resulted in thousands of dollars owed to Las Vegas casinos.

TMZ repors that Caesar’s Palace Hotel & Casino and Bally’s/Paris Las Vegas filed paperwork in U.S. Bankruptcy court, claiming the washed up star owes them $160,000 and $75,000, respectively.

Gail OGrady

Gail O’Grady, who has filed for bankruptcy in an attempt to avoid paying such big money, admits she took out the gambling loans, but claims the casinos knew her financial situation before letting her loose on their gaming tables.

Sounds like a case for O’Grady’s former costar, David Caruso, to us. Calling the CSI: Miami crew: book a flight to Sin City today!

Alleged singer Jessica Simpson threw birthday boy Tony Romo a 28th b-day celebration he’ll never forget: She licked cake off his face!

The PDA-packed bash took place Saturday night at Suite, a lounge in Dallas, where “she sang him ‘Happy Birthday,’” reports Dallas’ D Magazine.

The two really seemed to enjoy the cake, which was in the shape of a Dallas Cowboys star and had Tony Romo’s No. 9 jersey number on it.

Licking Face

“They were kissing with lots of messy cake!” adds a witness. “Jessica Simpson had cake all over her hands and was licking her thumbs.”

Adds another D Magazine source, “It was a fun night, but it got too crazy with everyone trying to take pictures and come over. It was insane.”

Hot stuff! Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo, who have been dating for about six months, says the source, “are doing great. They are really happy.”

With Ashlee Simpson pregnant and engaged, how long is it gonna take for Tony Romo to pop the question - and impregnate that?

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news ladies, but Justin Timberlake is off the market!

The gorgeous “LoveStoned” crooner who previously romanced Britney Spears and Cameron Diaz considers GF Jessica Biel to be the “one.”

The long-time steadies began dating in January of ’07 and although they’ve endured a few rough patches along the way, it’s done nothing to shake their steadfast bond.

“Justin is 27 and thinking about marriage and kids,” The Sun quoted a source as saying. “For the first time in his life he is feeling settled and has definitely decided to pop the question to Jessica.”

Talk of a possible engagement first came into play at the beginning of February, when the former boybander was spotted at Tiffany and Co. browsing through the pricy bling collection. Timberlake left empty handed, but a bystander noted that he “…told the manager he would think about it.” Suspicious!!

 “He is so happy with her,” the insider asserted. “They spent quite a lot of time apart recently when Justin was working with Madonna. That made him certain Jessica was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.”

The musician is allegedly so incredibly serious about proposing that he has even picked out a potential wedding spot: the breathtaking West Indian island of Mustique. On top of having white beaches and “…clear, aquamarine waters,” it is privately owned which would mean NO PAPARAZZI.

There is one catch however - “To get all his close friends and family to Mustique will cost a fortune,” the acquaintance added. “But he can’t put a price on how he feels about Jessica. Then there are the rumors about a baby being on the way.”

Those particular rumors are based on Biel’s recent distaste for alcoholic drinks. Multiple sources claim that the actress has been avoiding fruity cocktails like the plague.

Will Justin soon be picking out a tux? Is Jessica really pregnant? Stay tuned for all the latest details!

We know, we said this before, and it turned out to be old photos from 2003 and 2004 that celeb gossip magazines used to fool us all. Such ass clowns.

Seriously, though - these Britney Spears pictures were actually taken this month, and both show the cutest, healthiest Brit we’ve seen in some time!

With the exception of the pack of cigarettes, that is. Oh well. Small victories are still significant at this stage of the game, right? Here’s our girl …

Sort of Hot BritneyA Blue Britney

In the past couple of months, Britney Spears has been exercising a lot, staying away from clubbing and showing a positive attitude when it comes to pants.

With a second go-around planned for her How I Met Your Mother gig, and a new tour supposedly in the works, things are really turning around for Brit.

Will she be able to regain some custody of Jayden James or Sean Preston soon? That remains to be seen, and will hinge on a court date next month.

Things are looking up for actress Cameron Diaz, who recently suffered the loss of her father to whom she was very close to.

The 36-year-old beauty is reemerging back into the world and the dating scene thanks to her steadfast optimism which we have grown to love.

On Sunday evening she made a dinner date with model Paul Sculfor, who at some angles manages to resemble Brad Pitt - which may explain his fleeting hookup with Jennifer Aniston late last year. Yeah, we don’t remember it either!

Cameron accompanied the 37-year-old fashionite to Santa Monica’s II Ristorante di Giorgio Baldi where a fellow diner spotted them looking “…really flirty.”

 “She was laughing really loud at all of his jokes,” the source informed People.com.

After solid two hours of munching and chatting, they exited the eatery. Sculfor pulled a gentlemanly maneuver by walking ahead to open Diaz’ car door, but was unfortunately cut short due to a nosy paparazzo. Though is there any other?

“Paul tried but Cameron was rushing him to leave since she didn’t want to be photographed together,” the insider explained.

She had zero problem, however, allowing shutterbugs to snap away at her “dirty dancing” with Diddy two nights prior!

While attending Prince’s book-bash which celebrated his new read 21 Nights, the stars downed a few Grey Goose cocktails before locking their arms “…around one another during Prince’s rendition of the Doobie Brother’s ‘Long Train Running.’” They skipped out around 3 a.m., and since then both have feverishly denied a budding romance.

No harm done; sounds like Cameron is simply living it up during this visibly delicate time. Enjoy yourself sweetie!

Christmas may have taken place a few months ago, but forgive Kim Kardashian for first coming forward now with the list of gifts she purchased for loved ones.

The socialite was busy this whole time walking around with a giant ass and posing for celebrity gossip photographers.

In her latest blog entry, though, Kim recounts the presents she bought for Reggie Bush and others:

“I bought everyone bowling balls… Reggie’s is a clear ball with a skull, [little brother] Rob’s is an eye ball, [Rob’s girlfriend Adrienne Bailon] got a cheetah ball (get it?), [sister] Kourtney got a black-and-white striped ball, [Kourtney’s boyfriend Scott Disick]’s is a dollar bill ball, [sister] Khloe received a leopard ball, and I gave myself a pink one, of course!”

Bowling Partners

Kim Kardashian holds Reggie Bush’s ball. And our staff makes a very immature joke.

The sad rumors are true: Alexis Phifer and Kanye West have ended their relationship.

Phifer herself has confirmed as much.

“It’s always sad when things like this end, and we remain friends,” Phifer told People Magazine. “I wish him the best in his future and all of his endeavors. He’s one of the most talented people I’ve ever met.”

Happier Days

Added a friend:

“They’d been having problems. Kanye is really focused on his show; he’s putting everything into the show right now. Alexis is a nice girl, but Kanye has been going through a rough time. They hit a rough patch and for now they’ve split.”

Who do you think Kanye should date now?

Three weeks ago we reported that actress Cameron Diaz had stepped out on the town with British model Paul Sculfor; they shared a romantic dinner in downtown Santa Monica and were spotted getting rather chummy - or “flirty” as one onlooker stated - by the end of the evening.

Apparently all went well as the stars spent a “PDA-filled Sunday” in West Hollywood, according to E! Online.

“They kissed, held hands and walked with their arms around each other while shopping at the American Rag clothing store,” a source noted. “They couldn’t get enough of each other and didn’t care who saw.”

Unfortunately, just to burst our bubble, Hollyscoop.com brought an aggravating tidbit to the table: on Monday Cameron was photographed exciting the parking lot of the Chateau Marmont “…with a mystery man in the passenger seat.”

Was Diaz simply giving a friend a lift, or is she playing the field

Last night on The Bachelor, Matt Grant met the family of Shayne Lamas - as well as the families of her competition, Chelsea, Noelle, and Amanda.

Matt visited Shayne Lamas’ family first and meets her parents separately, since they are divorced. Sadly, A.J. Lamas does not appear.

When she meets her quasi-famous dad, Lorenzo Lamas, he blurts out to Matt Grant that Shayne was just interested in getting on TV when she decided to go on The Bachelor. We’re startled to hear this revelation, competely.

Shayne quickly tries to defend herself, saying that she is only there for him. It seems to be good enough for both Matt Grant and for her father Lorenzo, who appreciate what she has to say about herself and her feelings.

Lamas, Shayne

Would Shayne Lamas receive one of the final three roses on this night?

On his date with Chelsea, Matt explains to her family just how serious he is about finding love. After a nice, relaxing meal, Matt heads out - but not before Chelsea says she is falling for him and enjoys time with him.

With Noelle, the two go hiking and ride horses in Colorado. Very pretty. Noelle’s family is approving of Matt, but ask tough questions, and Matt is forced to admit that he is falling in love with her - but also with more than one woman.

Finally, Matt Grant visits Amanda, who in a colossal prank, hired actors to play her parents. Her father asked uncomfortable questions as her mother tried to hit on him. When the gag was revealed, Matt was a good sport.

At the rose ceremony, Matt gave roses to Shayne Lamas, then to Amanda and lastly to Chelsea. Matt decided to eliminate Noelle, feeling that their connection came too late. She took the news well by Bachelor standards

“Lindsay Lohan stole my fiancé and wrecked my life!”

- Bree Tierney, the girl who was engaged to Lindsay Lohan’s former boy-toy / rehab buddy Riley Giles to the National Enquirer.

“I remember spending most of my days off in and out of a variety of VD clinics . . . I was dating a porno chick as well as this sweet little junkie jailbait girlfriend I had.”

- Slash of Guns & Roses in his new memoir, Slash

“I’m not stupid.”

- Tara Reid on not being as stupid as Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan (full quote:“I think the reason I never ended up in as much trouble as Paris or Lindsay seem to is that I’m not stupid, so I’d never do a lot of the things those girls do, and I’ve always had good friends around me. They need to straighten up a little bit and make better investments. And they should surround themselves with better people who don’t let them get themselves in trouble. You’ll never read a story about me going out and partying when I’m supposed to be working. Nor would I show up on a set drunk or miss a day’s work - never.”)

“Obviously calling your child a pig or anything else is improper and inappropriate and I apologize to my daughter for that,”

- Alec Baldwin on The View

“Let’s glorify this day in your sluttiest tops and your tightest pair of tsubi jeans, even though we have no…clue what Memorial Day really means!!…There will be a scale at the front door. No girls over 100 pounds allowed in. Start starving yourself now. See you all then!!!”

- Nicole Richie’s email to friends inviting them to her house for her Memorial Day party

“She went to her hotel room and ordered a bunch of food and some frozen margaritas. She came down, like, an hour later with a frozen margarita in her hand.”

- A ’spy’ on Britney Spears partying it up before her VMA appearance.

“I hate to think we live in a time when you can get fired from your job because of what you say. [Isaiah Washington] didn’t punch anyone. I think we’ll think differently with hindsight.”

- Bruce Willis to Time Magazine

“I don’t even own a TV because I think it’s the devil.”

–Cameron Diaz

“I don’t know how he does it, but… I talk a lot in the bath… Get naked with me and I’ll talk.”

- Angelina Jolie to Marie Claire

“I was very sexual in kindergarten. I was a member of a group called the Kissy Girls. I created a game where I’d kiss the boys and give them all cooties. Then we’d make out and we’d take our clothes off. I got in trouble a lot.”

- Angelina Jolie on being sexual even in kindergarten

“First of all, let’s get one thing straight: Crack is cheap. I make too much money to ever smoke crack…”

- Whitney Houston to Diane Sawyer

“If I was a gold digger, I’d have a lot more money in my bank account.”

– A very sincere Heather Mills, who always knows just what to say

“I could give two [bleeps] about them. They’re so lame, I can’t even believe that’s a real job. I can’t imagine they even pay taxes.”

- Jessica Alba on what she thinks of the paparazzi

And finally…

“Thank God I’m Free!”

- Paris Hilton to PEOPLE (full quote: Thank God I’m free. I was basically in the fetal position, basically in hysterics. All of the inmates were very supportive. There were girls next to me. We could talk through the vents and they were just really sweet.”)

We can’t wait to see the gems that 2008 brings!

Quotes courtesy of blog4quotes.com